romance in a time of existential crisis.
notice i said “romance” and not “love” – this isn’t the post where i’ll be sharing my thoughts about love or romantic relationships in real life. that’s too complicated for just one post. i’m talking about romance, far and away the most popular genre for readers worldwide for centuries. while i was somewhat of a romance reader in middle school or maybe even elementary school (potentially younger than i was supposed to be reading those books), i took about a 20-year gap largely because i didn’t think i needed or wanted to indulge in what i considered to be fantasies – thanks misogyny! enter bridgerton in december 2020. like so many others, i immediately gravitated towards the series and fell in love with 1) historical romance, but mainly 2) romance in general, and the beauty in being able to tell a story about two people finding their way to one another that’s compelling and enthralling even though you know you’re promised a happy ending. learning the television series was based on a book series reopened my eyes to a world i hadn’t explored in decades. since then, i’ve read upwards of 300 romance novels and continue to inhale them each year.
in 2024, i took a step from romance reader to fledgling romance writer, writing just for myself, learning what type of author i am, and penning whatever characters came to mind. last january, i wrote a main female character in the midst of an existential crisis. a woman who can read the tea leaves and see a layoff coming and is mulling over the next chapter of her life, deciding whether she wants to take a leap and explore something creative or if she wants to do a hybrid corporate/creative career path. she knows that she has some runway and wants to use this time to dream outrageous even though she’s freaking out and has no clue what she’s doing next. flash forward to this january, i am currently in the middle of a layoff contemplating the next chapter of my life, exploring and sharing my writing with this blog, and working on my first romance novel, wandering and wondering whether i know what i’m doing much like my fictional character. in a 2023 interview, kennedy ryan (one of my favorite romance writers!) noted romance is the perfect genre for problem-solving precisely because the premise is happily ever after – the complications and miscommunications and not knowings with the premise that it’s all going to work out. rather than using romance as a way to find love, i’ve started using it as a method for personal brainstorming and giving myself grace and accepting successes and stumbles as the path to my life’s own hopefully happy ending.
if it’s all going to work out, what am i doing right now to make it so?
what type of communication and collaboration and connection do i need to have with people around me in order to make things happen?
how can i write myself out of the complications of my life with full awareness of what’s happening in the real world?
how can i be the better friend and better member of my community i dream of becoming?
just like the silly little characters i’m writing, who are working and dreaming and freaking out their way through their silly little lives, i’m living my own and am giving myself the freedom to operate within the premise of things working out. i don’t yet and will likely never have answers to these questions but i’m on my way, learning lessons through writing romance and applying what i can in my own life.
